what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
