All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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