Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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