Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
