If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize