Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
