Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Rumble strips road head = magical
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
