They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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