it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
