we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
