My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
