I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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