He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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