I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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