dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize