i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
