I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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