hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
