IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
