i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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