I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
