Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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