I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
