I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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