hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
