Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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