Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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