yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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