Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this boner is exhausting
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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