you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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