Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's the barista slut.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
