smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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