i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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