I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
