I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
