I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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