i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
