Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
