I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
