Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
