you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
