She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
