totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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