Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
