Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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