somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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