OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
