i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
