Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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