I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
