Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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