when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize