my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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