Yo dont text me then not text me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
