im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
