If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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