Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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