I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
