whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
