so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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