dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
tequila makes me forget i have legs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
