When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
