Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Someone came in the potted fern
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
