You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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