haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize