neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
