I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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