ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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