I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
