so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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