I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
two words...techno handjob
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
