Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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