SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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