Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
