im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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