I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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