Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
