We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
