We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
