And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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