I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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