My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize