Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
