Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
