Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
