Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
