I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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