How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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