I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
