I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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