New low: just hacked my moms facebook
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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