I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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