I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
