I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
