when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
