I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
