I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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